Pirate Rants

Nip/Tuck is over!!! So sad to see it go...Especially, because now I won’t have an excuse for putting off my all my work until the last minute! It truly was TV’s guiltiest pleasure... Goodbye McNamara/Troy.

You are 19! Don’t decide to be engaged for your entire college life. That’s stupid. You most likely won’t marry them anyways.

I’m going to get a tattoo of a bear on my foot so that when I take my shoes off it will be a barefoot bear foot.

HAHAHAHA! Your Pirate Rant didn’t get in but mine did.

My friend told me he couldn’t play disk golf because he had to do HW all day... you OCD p***y it takes an hour!

I’m procrastinating so bad that I just Googled procrastination.

To my roommate’s girlfriend who is rude to my dog: I hope she bites you.

To the guy that just laughed at me for writing/reading fan fiction: I’ll show you my English grade if you show me yours.

I hope the nursing school or cops never find out about that little hit and run incident... that would probably be a bad thing for you huh?

So high last night…had to go to the store and buy 2 boxes of gushers a fruit by the foot…and two bags of carrots...got to still be healthy right?

My Macing off powers are strong.

Dear boyfriend: If I catch you talking about my best friend again, we’re through. Hoes before bros.

You’re cute. Smile!

Note to self: If you aren’t doing anything wrong, when you see a cop don’t run...He will chase you, it’s instinct

Word to the wise: If you don’t like someone, DON ’T DATE THEM FOR TWO MONT HS and realize it’s not going to change!

What do tigers dream of? ...

People need to quit acting like straight divas while walking around campus.

To the British kid with the black jacket: You are SO cute!!

The bouncer at the plank is freakin’ sexy!

I love sitting at sup dogs late at night to watch all the drunk people stumble around & make fools of themselves. Keepin’ it classy Greenville.

To the two guys who ran across campus last week in rainbow sombreros and plaid shirts: You were both incredibly hot ;)

Even during school breaks I learn things. Like drinking green apple vodka straight is painful, and Everclear pong is the worst game ever.

Dear Spring Break, When did I get a tattoo?

If I don’t get a pirate rant in this week, I’m quitting school for the rest of the semester.

Spring break is like eating a sloppy joe. It gets really messy, goes by really fast and by the end of it you’re always ready for another.

Alright roommate, I cleaned the room and apologized profusely for being generally gross. Can you please stop avoiding me now? I feel so alone....

Put my laundry on the floor again and I swear that World War three is gonna happen!

What takes a pirate 30 minutes to achieve and only lasts for a few seconds? AN ARRRRGGGGgasm!

To the people who kept trying to “sneak” a picture of me: Just ask next time. I don’t mind and it’s easier for you. Signed, the guy with the liberty spikes.

To ALL Joyner Library users: the student study room walls are in no way, shape, or form SOUND PROOF !!!! Keep that in mind.

It gets a little warm outside and all of sudden people don’t know how to act.

My friend claims that the buses now announce its destination. I think she’s hearing things.
I just want to explode into the night sky and fly away like a huge bat laughing and s*****gall over the town of Greenville.