Spring Break
Generation of the living dead
Samantha Hughes
Issue date: 11/3/09 Section: Opinion
We need to talk. This is serious, so pay attention. What's your zombie defense plan? Me, I think I'm going to stockpile a huge boat and just hang out in the ocean for a while. I've got my copy of "The Zombie Survival Guide" by Max Brooks and I'm ready to roll. My deadly, well-practiced aim will be useful for those crucial headshots. And look out zombies in the ECU Zombie Game! I've got 100 rounds of orange, puffy Nerf death coming for you. I am one girl not to be reckoned with if you're the shuffling, menacing, brain-craving undead. Or so I claim. Truth be told, I know if/when the zombie apocalypse comes, I'm going to be having some terrifying flashbacks from the three-day hermitage following my first viewing of "28 Days Later." Sadly, there will be no Cillian Murphy awakening from a coma to save me from those zombie fiends and I definitely will not be luring them out of the Stop-N-Save with a banjo à la "Zombieland." I know my peers are practically obsessed with those bemoaning animated corpses, but sometimes when I stumble upon another zombie-themed book, movie, video game, TV show or board game, I'm just a little exasperated. That's right, we've got zombie board games now. "Zombie Board Game: Last Night on Earth" is like the Monopoly of our morbidly obsessed generation. Not to make a bad pun, but isn't that overkill? Roll the dice wrong and OH NO! Lost your brains. Do not pass go. Are we as a generation taking it too far? I understand the fascination behind zombies. They're terrifying, right? But it's unlikely, at best. Maybe not unlikely to become reality, but more so unlikely that it will happen anytime soon. The zombie apocalypse will probably happen when we're all too old to run for the bathroom, let alone for the shotgun.
Or this new H1N1 vaccine could send us hurtling into the bloody, zombie masses, just like in "I Am Legend." Are we focusing too much on this admittedly frightening fate? Is it too much of a joke? It won't be the end-all and be-all of manly men. And it probably won't separate the men from the boys. Truth be told, it will probably just spread like the plague and successfully turn us all into horrifying creatures. Do we really need another satirical handbook about the most effective way to survive? It won't come in handy. Most of it is common sense. And it does nothing to effectively suggest just how terrified you're going to be when the zombies are body slamming your front door. Is it a healthy obsession? Well, probably not. Most will even argue it's not an obsession. I can already foresee the "it's all fun and games, lighten up" crowd. But think about it. My little brother has turned to me, with a straight face, to tell me of his zombie plan. He's 11 and terrified the end of the world is coming in his lifetime. Not by the fire and brimstone preached by Brother Ross, not by the Mayan doomsday prediction. But by flesh-eating classmates he used to play football with. Wow. Call me an optimist, but maybe the best plan of action isn't beating them over the head with a banjo. Perhaps using logic when it comes to the obsession. Remember when every single young female had that same silver, washed-out Backstreet Boys poster on her wall? Well now we've all got our own zombie memorabilia. I think we're taking this possible tragic phenomenon and turning it into a full-fledged trend. It won't be so awesome when it happens and the only defense mechanism you've got is to simply beat the zombie with your copy of "The Zombie Survival Guide." I understand it's fun and exciting. Trust me when I say that I was super excited to sign up for the Facebook event of the ECU Zombie Game. Before you buy that new handbook, CD, DVD or god forbid the board game, use your brains. Before zombies eat them.
This writer can be contacted at opinion@theeastcarolinian.com.
Or this new H1N1 vaccine could send us hurtling into the bloody, zombie masses, just like in "I Am Legend." Are we focusing too much on this admittedly frightening fate? Is it too much of a joke? It won't be the end-all and be-all of manly men. And it probably won't separate the men from the boys. Truth be told, it will probably just spread like the plague and successfully turn us all into horrifying creatures. Do we really need another satirical handbook about the most effective way to survive? It won't come in handy. Most of it is common sense. And it does nothing to effectively suggest just how terrified you're going to be when the zombies are body slamming your front door. Is it a healthy obsession? Well, probably not. Most will even argue it's not an obsession. I can already foresee the "it's all fun and games, lighten up" crowd. But think about it. My little brother has turned to me, with a straight face, to tell me of his zombie plan. He's 11 and terrified the end of the world is coming in his lifetime. Not by the fire and brimstone preached by Brother Ross, not by the Mayan doomsday prediction. But by flesh-eating classmates he used to play football with. Wow. Call me an optimist, but maybe the best plan of action isn't beating them over the head with a banjo. Perhaps using logic when it comes to the obsession. Remember when every single young female had that same silver, washed-out Backstreet Boys poster on her wall? Well now we've all got our own zombie memorabilia. I think we're taking this possible tragic phenomenon and turning it into a full-fledged trend. It won't be so awesome when it happens and the only defense mechanism you've got is to simply beat the zombie with your copy of "The Zombie Survival Guide." I understand it's fun and exciting. Trust me when I say that I was super excited to sign up for the Facebook event of the ECU Zombie Game. Before you buy that new handbook, CD, DVD or god forbid the board game, use your brains. Before zombies eat them.
This writer can be contacted at opinion@theeastcarolinian.com.
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