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'Love shouldn't hurt'

Natalie Jurgen

Issue date: 3/26/09 Section: News
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Media Credit: Travis Bartlett

Last night ECU's Victim Advocate, Sue Molhan and the Greenville Police Department's Victim Advocate, Christine Clift, gave the presentation "Love Shouldn't Hurt" to the students of Cotten, Fleming and Jarivs residence halls.

The presentation focused on domestic violence and what both males and females can do to combat it.

Molhan stressed the importance of seeking out the victim advocate if you or someone you know has been a victim of domestic violence.

"Whatever you say to me stays in my office unless you give me permission otherwise," said Molhan.

Many students on campus don't know what the victim advocate and the Office of Victim Services does. Molhan's office is located in room 119 of the Student Health building.

According to their informational pamphlet, "the Office of Victim Services assists all victims of crime on or off campus including, but not limited to, stalking and or harassment, domestic and relationship violence, sexual assault, aggravated assault, robbery and identity theft."

Molhan asked the audience what the barriers are that cause people to stay in an abusive relationship. Responses ranged from because they love the person, because they think they can't find anyone better, they're afraid, because they say they'll never do it again, because they are financially dependent, because sometimes the abusive person is the only person in their life, because they are embarrassed of what friends and family may think and because they don't want to break up a family that has children.

"We usually say, 'I don't understand why this person stays in this abusive relationship,'" Molhan said. "When we say those words we are re-victimizing the victim. What we should be saying instead is, 'why is he abusing her?'"

Molhan and Clift also stressed that females are not the only victims of domestic violence and that often times men don't report it because they don't want to say that a woman has been abusing them. What these men don't understand is that the more it is reported the more resources can become available.

"What people need to understand is that they don't need to be embarrassed," Clift said. "It's the abuser that should be embarrassed."

After Clift and Molhan's presentation, a video was shown with pictures from actual crime scenes in Pitt County set to three interviews of domestic violence victims in the area.
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