Spring Break
Pirate Rants
The Pirate Nation
Issue date: 3/24/09 Section: Opinion
I was making good love to my woman last night when suddenly the bed broke. Thanks, Bellamy, for the mattress supported by sticks.
Butt scratcher? Butt scratcher? Butt scratcher! Butt scratcher!
To the guy outside of Joyner Library that almost ran into me on his bike: Thank you for saying excuse me, and by the way, when you looked at me, I thought your eyes were so gorgeous!
To the girl in my 2 p.m. sociology class who sits all the way in the back: Shut the f*** up! You only make yourself sound dumber and dumber every time you open your mouth.
I want my sweat pants back! You know who you are! Sweat pant stealer!
You don't know this now, but as soon as we don't have a class together anymore, you will know how I really feel about you ... and you will feel how I really feel about you when I punch you in the face.
My dream is to be a doctor. Thank you, D's and F's, for waking me up.
Dear Twilighters: Emmett is hotter than Edward. Betcha never heard that one, huh?
We just like to party, like to p-pa-party, yeah!
I vote next time, instead of a new fountain, we should go for ON-CAMPUS TANNING BEDS!
I love how my roommate laughs about Pirate Rants that I wrote about her and she doesn't even know it.
To the comment about girls not dancing at the club or refusing to dance with guys: I'm not drunk enough for you to look even close to cute enough to be grinding up on me. Check the mirror and stay home, and YOU watch Lifetime.
To the guy who can't find a girl: Not all of us want to have sex. Relationships are way better. Tu chica esta aqui!
Sometimes I think about what it would have been like if John Lennon had lived, and sometimes I worry that he would have made a terrible, terrible MTV "Unplugged" in 1992.
I have come to the conclusion that reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.
To the girl playing volleyball on Thursday at 9 p.m.: I saw you run into the net. Thanks for the laugh.
Butt scratcher? Butt scratcher? Butt scratcher! Butt scratcher!
To the guy outside of Joyner Library that almost ran into me on his bike: Thank you for saying excuse me, and by the way, when you looked at me, I thought your eyes were so gorgeous!
To the girl in my 2 p.m. sociology class who sits all the way in the back: Shut the f*** up! You only make yourself sound dumber and dumber every time you open your mouth.
I want my sweat pants back! You know who you are! Sweat pant stealer!
You don't know this now, but as soon as we don't have a class together anymore, you will know how I really feel about you ... and you will feel how I really feel about you when I punch you in the face.
My dream is to be a doctor. Thank you, D's and F's, for waking me up.
Dear Twilighters: Emmett is hotter than Edward. Betcha never heard that one, huh?
We just like to party, like to p-pa-party, yeah!
I vote next time, instead of a new fountain, we should go for ON-CAMPUS TANNING BEDS!
I love how my roommate laughs about Pirate Rants that I wrote about her and she doesn't even know it.
To the comment about girls not dancing at the club or refusing to dance with guys: I'm not drunk enough for you to look even close to cute enough to be grinding up on me. Check the mirror and stay home, and YOU watch Lifetime.
To the guy who can't find a girl: Not all of us want to have sex. Relationships are way better. Tu chica esta aqui!
Sometimes I think about what it would have been like if John Lennon had lived, and sometimes I worry that he would have made a terrible, terrible MTV "Unplugged" in 1992.
I have come to the conclusion that reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.
To the girl playing volleyball on Thursday at 9 p.m.: I saw you run into the net. Thanks for the laugh.
Viewing Comments 1 - 10 of 16
Ash
posted 3/24/09 @ 8:23 AM EST
"To the girl that wants to marry me, the short stop: You couldn't handle this."
Ok, I don't know who wrote the rant saying she wanted to marry you, but whomever she is I'm pretty sure you just changed her mind, and not by intimidating her. (Continued…)
michael pacheco
posted 3/24/09 @ 10:42 AM EST
To the sorority girl walking out of a certain Riverwalk house, My roomate and I heard you say while sitting on our porch, "I had to fart so bad in there. (Continued…)
Pacheco
michael pacheco
posted 3/24/09 @ 10:45 AM EST
To the person quoting The Lonley Island - Jizz In My Pants, you made my day. I had to watch the music video after I read that.
Jb1108
Jb1108
posted 3/24/09 @ 11:01 AM EST
If you were a hot dog would you eat your self? I would! I would be a good hot dog, with mustard, chili, Ketchup, pickles and everything!
pirategirl
posted 3/24/09 @ 3:46 PM EST
the pirate rant about the girl in your 2 o'clock sociology class...is her name anna? haha
sav
posted 3/24/09 @ 4:26 PM EST
"To the guy outside of Joyner Library that almost ran into me on his bike: Thank you for saying excuse me, and by the way, when you looked at me, I thought your eyes were so gorgeous!"
That's my boyfriend, thanks for the compliment! He does have gorgeous eyes :)
Cocky+Funny
posted 3/25/09 @ 1:08 PM EST
Maybe the shortstop is using the cocky+funny routine that always works on females...yes you shouldn't do it through a rant but he had no choice.
star
STAR
posted 3/25/09 @ 7:00 PM EST
Dear cob computer lab lady , please calm down .
star
STAR
posted 3/25/09 @ 7:08 PM EST
To the girl outside at night playing soccer by herself: I just wanted to let you know that I think you are Gorgeous.
urlame
posted 3/26/09 @ 7:37 PM EST
You deleting me from your Wii didn't make it officially over, I made it officially over by deleting you from facebook.
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