Spring Break
Breaking down what is a "friendship"
And how one may over use the word
Yazid Al-Fayyad
Issue date: 9/4/08 Section: Opinion
I received a text the other day in which someone asked if I was still friends with a known associate of ours. I replied that it depended on their definition of the word "friends." All friendships one may experience in their life time fall into the categories of friends by choice and friends by necessity. The variable that differentiates the relationship is simply the level of quid pro quo between two individuals. The term quid pro quo is a Latin phrase informally translated as "something for something" or "this for that." The variable is inversely proportional such that as the friendship shifts from choice to necessity, the level of quid pro quo increases relative to the individuals involved.
The phrase quid pro quo in this case is not simply limited to material gain such as money or services rendered found with business partners and work endeavors, but immeasurable investments like the company or conversation with a close friend. The farther one ventures into the friends by choice spectrum, the more altruistic their actions become, their expected returns reaching all but zero.
Some may argue the point that in simply keeping a conversation with anyone, the two share equally in the returns on their time invested, but most know this is not the case. You can imagine a situation in which you simply do not want to talk to an individual, yet remain for reasons you still have not determined. The substance of the conversation will commonly highlight which category of friendship you and a person fall in. If the conversation is found in an informal setting is still limited to the topics of work, rehashed news talking points or the amount of rain outside, one if not both members of the party are not there by their choice.
Other counterpoints may include lovers in the workplace, or best friends under certain circumstances throughout life and while these examples appear to constantly fluctuate, this is hardly the case. In such examples, individuals involved make a conscience decision to yield to a relationship shared with a common third member, in which the level of quid pro quo takes precedent, but only for a temporary period of time. Once the straining third member is removed from the equation, those concerned return to their previously held positions.
Am I taking the human element out of the idea of friendship? Certainly, however maybe next time when asked at a banquet dinner or fraternity BBQ if you are still friends with "so and so," you may reflect on how loosely you throw the term around.
The phrase quid pro quo in this case is not simply limited to material gain such as money or services rendered found with business partners and work endeavors, but immeasurable investments like the company or conversation with a close friend. The farther one ventures into the friends by choice spectrum, the more altruistic their actions become, their expected returns reaching all but zero.
Some may argue the point that in simply keeping a conversation with anyone, the two share equally in the returns on their time invested, but most know this is not the case. You can imagine a situation in which you simply do not want to talk to an individual, yet remain for reasons you still have not determined. The substance of the conversation will commonly highlight which category of friendship you and a person fall in. If the conversation is found in an informal setting is still limited to the topics of work, rehashed news talking points or the amount of rain outside, one if not both members of the party are not there by their choice.
Other counterpoints may include lovers in the workplace, or best friends under certain circumstances throughout life and while these examples appear to constantly fluctuate, this is hardly the case. In such examples, individuals involved make a conscience decision to yield to a relationship shared with a common third member, in which the level of quid pro quo takes precedent, but only for a temporary period of time. Once the straining third member is removed from the equation, those concerned return to their previously held positions.
Am I taking the human element out of the idea of friendship? Certainly, however maybe next time when asked at a banquet dinner or fraternity BBQ if you are still friends with "so and so," you may reflect on how loosely you throw the term around.
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